Friends: Gundam Wing style
by Aurenne
Summary: A parody of the song 'Friends' by D*A*A*S featuring the gundam pilots. Implied 1+2+1 and 3x4x5/5x4x3! The insanity continues! It has developed a plot! RUN! o_o *sweatdrops*
1. Chapter One: In which Duo sings a lot

Disclaimers: I don't own Gundam Wing or any of these characters (sob!) I don't own the Doug Anthony All Stars, who wrote and sang the song 'Friends' before I brutalised it (pout!) I wish I _did_ own something, just so that I could state it here (sigh!)

A.N. If you have never heard of DAAS, then it's probably ok to read this song parody – you will still get it, even though you are sadly lacking in culture. *grins* I really recommend you go listen to the original.

You are warned: DAAS would not be called the most family-friendly band, nor is it politically correct. I have preserved this tradition in all it's glory, so if you are going to be offended, go do it somewhere else. There _is_ shonen ai, so if you don't like, don't read.

The singing is in _italics_ the actions are in *asterisks* 

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Friends GW Style by Aurenne

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Duo: A wise man once said: 'Make love not war'. My friend disagrees, although that might be because he doesn't seem to be getting _any_ action. But you see…  


Duo: _'He is quiet, he is shy – a reserved kind of guy_

Someone you would keep the knives from – 

He had a twinkle in his eye

They said he was psychotic

They called him psychotically disturbed

They said he was mentally unbalanced

They called him an unfeeling chauvinistic bastard

With severe, violent, personality problems

They used their jargonistic words 

So he killed and ranted (So what?!)

Wufei: *mutters* 

'Injustice!'

Duo *continuing*

__

'Made those honour-less soldiers pay –

But Chang Wufei is my friend, OKAY?

We would all go out together and he'd be the odd man out.

But only when he lost to Trieze would you see him with a pout –'

Wufei: 'Shut up, Maxwell – that's not true.'

Duo: 'Aw, embarrassed Wu-man?'

All: '_He is my friend, a friend, we can all be friends_

If we just let this little hurt between us mend'

Duo_: 'Let me tell you about my friend, boys_

I met him at the circus – he was hiding in the dark

Escaped from the Maguanacs, and trying to make Trowa laugh

Yet they say he is a freak, they whispered: he's artificially formed –

He owed his body to science the minute he was born

And yet they'd shrug and say, "But I think he's very kind" –

Yes, yes, Master Quatre Raberba Winner is a friend of mine'

Heero: 'Why doesn't that come as a big fucking surprise?'

Duo: *sticks out his tongue at Heero*

Duo: _'And we'd all go out to his mansions - jaws hanging from our heads_

But the thought of him and system zero… kept us sleepless in our beds.'

Trowa: *mutters*

'As it should…'

All: _'He is my friend, a friend_

We can all be friends

If we just let this little hurt between us mend!'

Duo: _'He is a musician, quite artistic – he had that suave panache_

A tasteful use of gel – that cute uni-bang.

He loved his pet lions, and walking on the high tightrope

And watching blond haired, blue eyed pilots without whom he cannot cope

Yet they say he is a monster, pilot of Heavyarms – 

But Trowa Barton, he'd win anyone with those silent charms!

And he loves his target practice, shot those Oz bastards to hell

And as for little Winner – he got Quatre as well!'

Quatre: *blushes*

All:_ 'He is my friend, a friend, we can all be friends_

If we just let this little hurt between us mend

Friends, friends, we can all be friends

If we just let the little hurt between us mend

Quatre: _'He preached peace all over the colony_

Heero Yuy Snr was a friend to me.'

Heero: _'Some say he shot people for money – is that crime?_

Odin Lowe was a friend of mine.'

Duo: _'He was considered the scourge of the Alliance_

But Zechs Marquise is my good rocking buddy!'

Trowa: '_She is cute her knives don't really suit her_

Catherine Bloom wants to be my older sister!'

Wufei: '_Lady Une never killed Mr. Dorlian_

She was too messed up to off anyone.'

Heero: _'Alex and Mueller never died in the crossfire'_

*smirks*

__

'They're our friends, our buddies – our assassins for hire.'

Quatre: _'Dorothy shaved her eyebrows for me!'_

Duo: '_Hilde and I play catch.'_

Wufei: _'Relena groupies can pass on cooties.'_

Trowa: _'Dokter S was a friend of mine!'_

Heero: *glares at the author and whispers 'Omae o korosu'*

__

'Relena Peacecraft is a friend of mine.'

Quatre: _'Instructor H was a friend of mine!'_

Wufei: _'Trieze Kushrenada was a friend of mine!!'_

*Everyone (but Wufei) pauses to quietly snigger*

Duo: _'Heero Yuy is a friend of mine!'_  


Wufei: 'Whoa, whoa, whoa, time out!'

Duo: 'What?'

Wufei: *growls*

'You push, you fucking push until you get some sort of reaction from people – good taste, bad taste! You push the fucking line every time!'

Duo: 'Hey, Wu, you really need to calm down!'

Wufei: Ok then. Let's just look at it logically for a second, let's get this straight: You and Heero Yuy, best friends right? The only other friends he's got in the world are a laptop and Wing Zero. That's you, a laptop and a gundam.'

Duo: 'Yeah right and you can talk – what about you and Nataku?'

Wufei: 'Different. Just face it Maxwell: The guy is more likely to be best buds with Deathscythe Hell than you.'

Duo: *looks sad*

Heero: *glares at Wufei* 

'My friend.' 

*Hugs Duo*

Duo: ^-^!

Wufei: O.o?

Heero: ^-^

Wufei: … x_x (a.n: can _anyone_ imagine Heero grinning??)

Duo: *starts up the chorus again* 

__

'Friends friends, we can all be friends…'

Wufei: *recovers from his impromptu faint* 

'WHAT THE…!!'

Quatre: 'Stop it all of you, before I go System Zero on your asses!'   


All: *silence*

Duo: 'Well, that's killed the mood.'

Heero: *attempts to continue the song. The mission must be completed, after all* 

__

'If we just let the little hurt…'

  
Wufei: *mutters* 

'Bloody Quatre fucked up the song.'  


Trowa: 'It was your fault in the first place, can you just leave Quatre alone for five seconds?'  


Wufei: 'FUCK QUATRE!'  


Trowa: 'I DO! …I just tell him we're moving the furniture around the house.'  


Heero and Duo: *grinning madly at the two arguing pilots and a beet-red Quatre*

__

'Between us…'  


Wufei: 'That's funny – 'cause I tell him I'm taking his temperature.'  


Heero and Duo: '_Friends, friends, let's be friends!'_

*Trowa and Wufei glare a bit at each other, then look at Quatre, who is wishing that he could just disappear. Luckily, he doesn't, as in the next moment he is being dragged off-stage by pilots 3 and 5, who have identical lecherous grins plastered upon their faces.*

Duo: 'Oh yeah. They're "friends" all right! Go Wufei! I was _so_ wrong; he is definitely getting some – scary to think that guy is _that _uptight even when he's getting laid…'

Heero: *small smile* 

'Hn. Baka.' 

*drags Duo away also, exit stage right*

__

Owari


	2. Chapter Two: In which there is much ado ...

Disclaimers: Still don't own Gundam Wing, or the pretty boys they draw. So if you do own them, pretty please don't sue me. Or if you do, at least give me a few tips on how to draw the bishonen before you send me to jail. I don't own the song 'Friends', but as it doesn't really impact this chapter in any way, and the disclaimer has already been stated in the previous chapter… this is pretty irrelevant, huh?

Reviewers: (In order of appearance)

Deku Scrub: My first reviewer! Thank you many, many times! *hugs* Thanks also for your advice; I think the problem was that I was using my little sister as an example for what is PG13. She's a tad weird.

Liralee: *hugs* You reviewed! Huzzah! Happy now! *blinks* I'm sure I've said this to you before this *grins* It's still all your fault!!

Angie: Angie-chan! Thank you for saying such nice things! *grins happily and whaps Relena* Shut up Relena.

Koyuuno: Whee! You came, you read, you reviewed!! *dances for joy* XD Anyway, I don't think that Quatre is objecting much… *grins and cowers before the rabid fangirl*

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Friends GW Style by Aurenne (Part 2!)

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The next day; or_ One change of format later; whichever you prefer:_

"Trowa."

Trowa looked up cautiously. Quatre did not sound pleased.

He had been reading happily in the extensive library, after waking up early that morning and feeling the need to get away from the temptations that staying in bed would hold (heh, let's not ask _which_ bed, ok?). However, Quatre's tone boded ill for someone, and Trowa was kind of hoping it wasn't him. Today started out so _well_, he thought regretfully.

"Hm?"

"Now, there's something that has been bothering me since that hyper redhead [1] made us sing that song parody."

"Oh?"

"Yes, and stop with the one word answers," he grated at the boy, anger sparking at the innocent face Trowa wore. "In particular, there is one line that Duo sang, and I quote: 'He loved…watching blond haired, blue eyed pilots'. I have to ask, why is it plural?" Quatre's dark look could melt steel.

"…" Trowa thought silence would be an appropriate response. Maybe Quatre would drop the subject.

Wrong. Quatre exploded.

"It's Zechs isn't it?? There isn't anyone else it could be! How _could_ you Trowa! I _trusted_ you!" Quatre was actually trembling, though the green-eyed pilot couldn't tell whether it was in shock or anger. "And you went and slept with that preening hussy!" Trowa's one visible eye widened at the rant that followed. 

The repeated threats of castration, torture, and hair abuse that were made to both Trowa and the absent Zechs at the top of the Arabian's lungs drew Wufei's attention out in the hallway, who, until that moment, had been attempting to find the kitchen [2]. The Chinese boy stopped, then leant casually against the wall, which incidentally [3] allowed him to hear what was being said in the next room.

Trowa meanwhile, had been taking Quatre's tirade with his usual stoic aplomb, although his stiff posture and twitching hands belied his calm. However, it wasn't until Quatre threatened to dye his hair green that he began to frantically try to divert the blonde's attention.

"So… you are angry at me because I slept with Zechs?"

Quatre almost fell over. He didn't think his lover was _that_ slow. "Yes!" he snarled.

"B-but I didn't sleep with him! All Duo said was that I was watching!"

Narrowed blue eyes told Trowa that Quatre was not appeased.

"Besides! What about you and Wufei?"

Out in the next room, Wufei almost choked.

"You two _obviously_ had a relationship going that I was entirely unaware of!" Trowa looked at Quatre's surprised face and decided that he had the advantage now. "And please, I _know_ that your participation is a great deal more active than Wufei suggested."

A light blush appeared on Wufei's cheeks as he remembered just _how_ active Quatre was.

Quatre meanwhile was having a difficult time trying to think of an excuse. "But… Me and Wufei…" His eyes darted around the room, searching for inspiration from the rather uninspiring stacks and shelves of books. "It's different!" He finally wailed.

"Oh?" Trowa slipped comfortably back into the familiar one-word sentences. "How?"

Quatre's gaze stopped roving around the room and his mouth firmed. "Because you are as attracted to Wufei as I am!" he stated angrily. At this, Wufei leaned heavily against the wall, with an uncharacteristically large grin fixed upon his lips.

Trowa kept silent, but his unimpressed expression invited Quatre to explain further. This has the effect of rousing the young man's anger once more, although this time it was tempered by amused exasperation. 

"Oh, please! Give me a little credit! I can see what's in front of my eyes!"

Trowa's eye widened once more, and he had a startled look upon his face.

"Yes, you were that obvious!" Sandrock's pilot started grinning at the shocked countenance of his lover. "And Wufei?" Quatre called sweetly. "_Please_ come out from behind the doorway? Your growling stomach is making me hungry."

Wufei looked down at his stomach. Betrayed! He knew there was a reason he was looking for the kitchen. As he stepped into the library, Trowa flushed, realising that the Chinese boy had heard a more than a fair bit of their conversation. 

"Anyway," Quatre had wide, almost manic grin upon his face as he gazed at the two embarrassed bishonen. "The attraction was rather self evident when I saw you two making out on the couch this morning. I assume you thought I was still asleep?" Trowa, his blush deepening, nodded. Wufei avoided his eyes.

"But that's ok!" Two pairs of surprised eyes looked at the blonde's face, which bore a startlingly evil grin. "Now we can have kinky threesomes, ne?" 

"What a… delightful idea." Wufei purred as he looked at the two gorgeous pilots.

Trowa smirked, and his dark green eyes met smouldering black. Yes, today started so well. Let's see how we can end it. He grinned and followed his lovers down the hallway.

"And we can punish Trowa for having naughty thoughts which do not include us!" sang Quatre as he dragged the other two by their shirt-fronts into his room.

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'Oh shit,' thought the green-eyed boy numbly as he was pulled through the door.

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[1] Yes, a self-insert, after a fashion. *grins*

[2] They are at a random mansion, curtesy of Quatre-sama. Where else would you find a big ass library, not to mention a stage, in one house? The kitchen was actually one floor below him, second door on the right, but 'Fei-chan doesn't know that. Useful plot device, ne?

[3] Warriors do not eavesdrop. It is called 'gathering intelligence'.

A.N. Why did I write this? It's so strange, 'Friends' was supposed to be a one-shot – now it's gone and developed a plot without consulting me!! Anyway, if I feel motivated enough I might try another chapter dealing with Heero and Duo – they are my favourite couple, after all, and they didn't even turn up once in this chapter. Just shows you all how much control I have over what I write *grins*.


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